it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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