dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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