if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
