We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
