Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
