just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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