I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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