Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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