i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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