i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
