Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
