I CAN MOONWALK!
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
