I wish my penis had an off switch
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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