turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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