Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
