forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
