I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
