new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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