Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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