I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
