I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I think I won the penis lottery.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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