hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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