they need to just BURY HIM!
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
