Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
