I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
