gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
