Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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