he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
