Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
