After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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