i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
