your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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