Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Is it penis luge time yet?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
