Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
