you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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