Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
