Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
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