i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
