fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
