Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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