1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
