I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
