Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
