your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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