How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
