dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
