if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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