she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
