I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
