I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Do you remember whose house we're in?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
