I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
